the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
