If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
