Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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