I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Randomize
