every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize