So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
