Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize