Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I love you. Go after that dick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
