First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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