god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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