Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize