Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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