I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
