i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
