I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
