My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
