i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
