It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
