I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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