Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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