apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
