OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize