You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
