The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
