i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
