I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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