Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
