So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
