Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They are going to name an STD after you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
