Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize