Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
