ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
