did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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