I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
