maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My penis needs a shock collar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need a beard to bite.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
