your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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