Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
