i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
