Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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