There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
