He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
