Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
