i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
