She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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