weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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