Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
