her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
