mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
