proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
