I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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