i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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