i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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