And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
