I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
