you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
