There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
