I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
