What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize