I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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