My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
