You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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