god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
