Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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