You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
