Sponge bath it is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
