i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
