I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
