with your own penis?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
