Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
