dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think my vagina is haunted
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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