so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
